IF I was one of the animals featured in Life Story (BBC1, Thursdays 9pm and Sundays 4.45pm), I definitely would not have made it this far into the series.

For you see, every episode of Life Story – of which there has so far been four – has more deaths in it than an episode of Game of Thrones and a chapter of American Psycho combined.

Furthermore, if I were in Life Story, knowing my luck, I would definitely be a wildebeest – the cannon fodder of nature documentaries. If only it was Piers Morgan Life Story and Mr Morgan was the metaphorical wildebeest (but actually 100% still the same human) being chased down by a big, hungry cat with sharp teeth and an empty belly.

Anyway, you basically know the score with how this is going to play out – BBC nature documentary, swooping camera shots, Sir David Attenborough wheeled out to narrate, close-up zooming camera shots, gross bugs eating other gross bugs, long-range camera shots, production values which make the eyes water and a behind-the-lens bit at the end describing the painstaking process of filming a crustacean trying to fit into a new shell.

Incidentally, I would love to see a behind-the-lens version of a cookery show, seeing how the cameraman and sound guy got fatter and fatter by eating all the rehearsal food before they eventually sued after developing diabetes.

The behind-the-lens bit actually identifies the problem with BBC nature documentaries at the moment. As is explained quite explicitly, the filming began a few years ago so the basic goal of the production crew is the same as it was for Life and Nature’s Great Events in 2009, Frozen Planet and Madagascar in 2011, Africa in 2013, right back to the only truly groundbreaking one of the lot, Planet Earth in 2006.

That basic goal is a narrative – augmented by very deliberate musical choices – which makes the audience root for one animal over another, leaving it less documentary and more sporting contest.

Still, it is a very pretty show to watch.

What I’m Looking Forward To This Week

Pretty fallow week this week sadly.

Comic Relief’s less funny cousin Children In Need (Friday, 7.30pm) will be alright I guess. Will be interesting to see how long Sir Terry Wogan can stick it out and Ian Beale being haunted sounds a lark.