THERE are some things in life you really don’t expect to see; someone at a football match using an iPad to watch another football match, thumbing through an issue of Heat magazine without seeing an article about Kerry Katona or Katie Price, finding a hedge without a used condom in it, that sort of thing.

However, thanks to The Big Fish-Off (ITV4, Wednesdays, 8pm) there is one less thing I didn’t expect to see in my life that I now have (though whether I needed to see it is another matter) – seeing grime artist with occasional violent tendencies Dappy going down to a river, pulling out his rod and attracting himself a whopper.

That’s right, Dappy is a keen angler.

Now, down to business.

In The Big Fish-Off, celebrities take part in three fishing challenges alongside their mentors and oh captains their captains Dean Macey – tall, lean, ex-Olympian – and Ali Hamidi – short, rotund and not an ex-Olympian but apparently a top angler.

Up against Dappy in this episode was walking haircut and reality TV ‘personality’ Ollie Locke who seems to know very little about the intricacies of angling – this coming from me, remember – perhaps unsurprisingly being more into fishing at sea, from a massive flash yacht one imagines.

Anyway, the two teams take on the challenges which are each a different variation on chucking a fishing rod into a body of water and seeing what happens – like catching as many different variants of fish as you can and catching the heaviest amount of carp as you can in 24 hours. Incidentally, who could possibly want to do anything for 24 hours let alone fish?!

Three key themes of the show become apparent quite quickly:

-the money shot is a close-up image of the caught, gasping fish whether it be roach, perch, bream, carp and other made up brands of fish

-fishing seems to be really, really competitive

-there is an awful lot of man-hugging and physical bonding going on, culminating with the four blokes together in a hot tub which was… unsettling.

The overriding feeling that comes from The Big Fish-Off is it appears to be cashing in on developing youth interest in angling in the same way micro-breweries are tapping into increased love for real ale or UKIP with jingoism.

But, try as it might with the passion of Dean and Ali, tension just cannot, cannot be built.

Oh, and the celebrities are rubbish – this series features Tamer Hassan, Mick Norcross, Kirk Norcross, David Seaman, Julian-Lewis Jones, Tommy Hill, Scott Masden and Graham Napier. If you recognise more than three of those without checking Wikipedia, get out more.

That said, it is rather life-affirming to see how joyful Dappy gets during the whole fishing process though, that said, Dappy does strike me as the excitable sort who is probably thrilled to walk to the shop to pick up some milk.

What I’m Looking Forward To This Week

Its been out since Friday, but the third season of House of Cards (Netflix) – the best fast-paced drama currently out there, bar none. Say goodbye to your weekend.

Oh, it’s that guy!

Scheming, conniving, somewhat precious Ralph Whelan, in Indian Summers (Channel 4, Sundays, 9pm) is Henry Lloyd-Hughes who, for me, will always be bullying headcase Mark Donovan in The Inbetweeners.

He has a cracking moustache in the picture on his IMDB page too.