APPARENTLY some politicians tell lies; and the latest news is that the woodland toilet habits of bears may be every bit as unpleasant as we suspected.

So irate are the Lib Dems - incidentally that's the same 'we'll scrap university fees' Lib Dems - that they're going to report some of their Tory Coalition chums to the Electoral Commission for telling porkies about AV, and Chris Huhne's threatening to sue the rest.

Hey ho. If I were a cynic I'd swear the Libs are drawing up internal battlelines for when the party balloon gets burst after the local election declarations on May 6. If the vote on AV also goes wrong then the bloodletting will be deeper still.

Before the General Election Nick Clegg called AV a "miserable little compromise" and Huhne acknowledged "it does not give voters real power".

But it was still reassuring when the former requested everyone indulging in AV referendum debate to treat the electorate like adults.

That was the cue for Cleggy himself to attack the "lies, misinformation and deceit" of the "nasty" no campaign, aka "a Right-wing clique" which appears to involve yet another coalition, this time involving the ubiquitous Tories, the BNP and the Communist Party. Confused? Not half as much as the hundreds of Labour MPs heartily opposed to AV and wondering where they fit in to this "Right wing elite".

Come on lads, act your age. You start telling lies to us, and each other, break promises, fiddle expenses, and bend propaganda like Plasticine, the instant your eyes open in the mornings, let alone each time you hit the campaign trail. How do Clegg, Huhne, or the anarchic Vince Cable for that matter, manage to keep smiling fraternally across the Cabinet table in moments of strained collective responsibility?

But as Con-Dem implosion looms, Ted Miliband's so laid back he's got time to book into hospital to have a nasal scrape and get his adenoids removed. The chances of a medical mishap might heighten anticipation in Ed Balls. But I've bad news for both of them. Between the ages of seven and 14, I had my adenoids taken out quite safely no fewer than FOUR times.

Not only did they grow a fifth time, but I can assure you the operation doesn't make you good at politics.

BOTH do publicity for Waitrose and are expert at their jobs, but are Reading football manager Heston Blumenthal and celebrity chef Brian McDermott one and the same? Ever seen them photographed together? Thought not.