Exclusive: Reading's bid for Winter Olympics!

Maurice O'Brien • Published 9 Dec 2010 09:15 0 Comments

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DOCUMENTS from MikiLeaks came into The Chronicle's possession this week revealing phonetap results of a conversation between an unknown Reading council official (RCO) and the Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's office.

RCO: "Is that you Mr Putin?"

Mystery voice: "Nein, this is Sepp."

RCO: "Sepp Blatter? Why are you answering Mr Putin's phone?

Mystery voice: "He is just running my bath. Wait, I'll get him."

VP: "So what kind of advice do you want?"

RCO: Well, you see we want to be a city and we've been screwed twice before. If we lose this time we need a consolation prize, so we'd like to host the 2018 Winter Olympics instead."

VP: Ha! Winter Olympics? You joke. Your country's not suitable for hosting such an event."

RCO: "You're one to talk Mr Putin, if you don't mind me saying."

VP: "Yes, you are right. I got World Cup and you got sweet FA. Ha ha. Sepp likes that one, he laughs also. But seriously, I remember Reading from KGB exercises. Bar billiards in White Lion, snakebite in Cross Keys, head kicking contests after last orders."

RCO: "Much has changed since those days, sir. We don't have pubs any more, we turned our banks and building society offices into bars and the police only come out at night."

VP: "From what I hear of your banks this is no surprise. But I seem to recall a ski jump in Mill Lane, that is a start."

RCO: "Unfortunately sir, we somewhat shortsightedly got rid of that when we completed a road called the IDR. But we do have some nice hills. St Peter's Hill, Langley Hill, Edgehill Street, it just depends which one they forget to grit. There's Shinfield Road for the cross country skiing, no danger from moving cars, and Thames Water could provide skating rinks anywhere we like."

VP: "They would do this, these Thames Water people?"

RCO: "Don't see why not. There's always water gushing out of holes in the road and

they say they can't afford to stop it."

VP: "Mmm, I'm not convinced. Tell me more about this city business. Who beat you last time, those bankers again?"

RCO: No, sir, not than

kind of city. It was actually Brighton."

VP: "Brighton? Decadent dump full of theatrical types? Have you considered bribery?"

RCO: Sir, please. Apart from the fact that we're skint, it is Her Majesty's decision."

Line begins breaking up.

VP: "Well, maybe I could speak to my friend Prince Andrew..."

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