Too many teachers spoil the nurse?

Maurice O'Brien • Published 19 Nov 2009 11:00 0 Comments

EUCLID, they told me, was the Father of Geometry.

Convinced that Geometry, and his siblings Algebra and Trigonometry, were therefore the illegitimate and evil offspring of a monumental sadist, I never quite embraced this parental paragon or his family.

One reason was theorems; mathematical conundrums which incomprehensibly covered an entire page and mysteriously inspired schoolmasters to tackle the ultimately fruitless task of trying to make me digest them.

To keep the peace it was as easy to learn Theorem 47 parrot-fashion as it was to be repeatedly punished for dumb indolence. Unfortunately, the moment that theorem was disguised within a practical problem I sank like a stone; and still got punished for dumb indolence.

Algebra and trigonometry held similar horrors, to the extent that four attempts at O-Level maths resulted in four progressively abysmal failures.

I thus stepped into the real world labelled a mathematical moron, pathetically capable only of writing for the popular, and occasionally not so popular, prints.

Yet as a nipper, whenever I drove anywhere with my dad, he'd have me practising mental arithmetic using the numberplates on the cars in front. I could work out goal averages when the football results came on Sports Report, and many years later when I ran my own business, the accuracy and clarity of my double entry book-keeping regularly earned praise from the auditors.

As with many reporters of my generation I never went near a university other than to report the exploits of revolting students in the sixties and seventies.

And apart from dedication, immunity to long hours and the ability to joke through adversity, I would never dream of comparing journalism with nursing. But what conceivable use can there be in making it compulsory for nurses to have a degree?

The argument is that all that knowledge will make them better decision makers. Which module will cover natural care and compassion?

How many lectures will it take to make a dying patient comfortable?

Or teach them to comfort grieving relatives?

How many potentially brilliant nurses will be repelled either by cost or the prospect of several years in a classroom?

I recall once attending a policy presentation delivered by two high-flying graduate police officers who looked about 14-years-old but were destined for fast-tracking to the top.

Erudite it certainly was, but for public consumption it was errant nonsense.

As we left, an old time copper at the back of room shook his head sadly. "Brainy thicks," he muttered.

- NO WONDER metric duffers like me are permanently confused when last Friday morning a BBC weatherman informed us there had been "an inch of rain in Cumbria and between 50 and 70 millimetres in north Wales".

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