Quietly gerry Mandy-ing a bloodless coup

Maurice O'Brien • Published 30 Jul 2009 09:00 0 Comments

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HIS little tick-the-boxes elf might have won him a rare by-election victory, but Boy Dave's heart must skip a beat every time Old Prudence drops another brick.

Suppose, for instance, Prudence had had the guts to sack the likes of Jack Straw, Jacqui Smith, Hazel Blears and Alistair Darling for their expenses transgressions; and don't forget they were equally guilty, if not more so, as Dr Ian Gibson who honourably stood down from Norwich North to bring about that by-election.

To avoid looking feeble, Dave would have needed to dump Alan Duncan, George Osborne, Michael Gove and Jonathan Djanogly, and just imagine what mayhem those eight by-elections would have caused.

Instead Dave's hoping that by this time next year the electorate will have forgotten that, had any of them fiddled their exes or lied to their employers about where they lived, they'd have been out on their necks instantly. Certainly not given a year to let it blow over before departing unscathed with an inflation-proof pension.

Either way, with those by-elections looming, Dave would have to emerge from under his blanket and spell out his plans exactly, not least how he thinks he can cure an economy stricken by the worst kind of financial swine flu.

No more wittering vaguely about principles, and citing a mix of discredited Blair policies and Brown blunders as a recipe for alternative government. Nor, as he knee-jerkingly threatened last week, will it do any good calling for assistance from Tory elders, unless he's suddenly found a way to raise the dead.

But while Dave gets his act together, the evidence that Lord Mandy is masterminding a bloodless coup mounts by the day as he speaks out with authority and leadership on matters of defence, health, education and, of course, the economy.

And why shouldn't he? He sits on 35 of the 43 cabinet committees, knows where the skeletons are buried, and new legislation will soon permit him to renounce his peerage, return as an MP and become Prime Minister; should it ever cross his mind.

Disillusioned voters and taxpayers will then be landed with two heaps of reheated leftovers and a classic 'heads we lose tails they win' political choice.

* EVERY television and radio news reporter was busting to tell us last week how the NHS swine flu website crashed and the call centre hotlines seized up within minutes of going 'live'. Couldn't have anything to do with the fact that every television and radio news reporter was trying them out, could it?

* PART time BBC chairman Sir Michael Lyons claimed £70,000 expenses last year. Thank heavens he doesn't work full time. Can you imagine what the next TV Licence fee increase would be?

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